Why Emotionally Focused Therapy?

 

As a therapist, why do I prefer EFT and not other forms of therapy? Why not CBT or psychotherapy with tools or homework?

 

EFT is an experiential therapy. This means that change happens within our experiences in real time. This isn't an opinion that EFT has...we actually have neurological science to draw from. We know that emotions are hard wired into the body, In the same part of the brain as our basic survival needs.

 

Attachment is survival, whereas, the logical center of the brain is not a function of that survival place. This means when your attachment system detects disconnection with an important other, it fires off a signal in the brain that says 'danger' and it turns on that survival system. Neurologically, this shuts down the logical part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, so that the body can send all of its energy to its survival system, the limbic area.

 

So when someone says "Just think logically about it and stop overreacting"... well, you weren't designed to do that! The brain literally does not function that way. Your body is saying "we need all of our energy and resources to go towards our survival system".

 

So, if people could change from reading a self help book or from practicing conflict resolution skills or from holding better boundaries...they wouldn't need therapy to help them in those stuck places. Unfortunately, all of these front brain tools go right out the window when we feel disconnected and distressed. 

 

When couples come into EFT therapy, we are helping them rewire their nervous system and learn to calm that basic survival brain in the limbic system. This is the most powerful motivator of behaviour. EFT looks at our fight, flight or freeze behaviour that is manifested out of our attachment styles and shapes corrective experiences in the session to bring awareness and reconnection. 

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"Learning what you do is empowering, even if what you do is not empowering" - Helene Igwebuike, BEFT

 

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A deeper dive into EFT
 
Emotionally Focused Therapy is a relational therapy based on Attachment science. This approach seeks to understand how our past relationships and experiences have led us to our current patterns of feeling, thinking, and behaving, and then uses the counselling relationship to bring about desired change.

Human beings are fundamentally relational. We understand ourselves through our relationships with others and ourselves. Counselling provides an opportunity for a unique and healing relationship, one of non-judgement, unconditional acceptance, and active collaboration.  These are the conditions for growth that enable us to tap into our inner wisdom and capacity to heal.
When we work to connect the dots between past and present using EFT, clients can move past self-criticism and shame and often see their challenges in a whole new light. At first sadness may accompany this new awareness—grief for truly seeing and being with the pain you have been holding. However, the flip side of this sadness is self-compassion, and in time this compassion and understanding promotes internal safety and healing.  
 
So, how does it work in therapy? Simply put, there are 2 main goals in our EFT sessions: To uncover and change the negative, emotional connection/pattern in a distressed relationship and then to foster the creation of a secure and connected bond. 
 
Can EFT be used for individuals?
 
Yes! After all, a couple is really just 2 individuals. Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFiT) is a counselling approach developed after EFT as a relational, attachment-based therapy that helps clients individually connect with themselves in a secure, gentle and guided way through healing past emotional pain. In EFiT, the client is guided through key emotional life experiences that define their sense of self and others, walking with individuals towards a new sense of connection and competence.